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Scene 1: The PS 118 School hallways[]

[PS 118 School Bell Ringing]

Gerald: “Tom Jacobson’s got the basketball, he goes left, he goes right and as the final 2nd kick down, he goes for 32, swish, yeah, the Jerseys win, the Jersey’s win, the most excitin’ play off ever!”

Gerald enters Mr. Simmons’ 5th grade classroom.

[All PS 118 4th Grade Students Protesting]

Gerald: “That’s right, that’s right, now you know it, alright, awesome, Tom Jacobson for the 9:00 peace, fantabulistical.”

George: “What’s he speaking about?”

Iggy: “We don’t know.”

[All PS 118 4th Grade Students Laughing Uncontrollably]

Gerald: “Aw man, what’s that supposed to mean?”

Arnold: “Gerald, didn’t you see Dimtwitz 3 this weekend.”

Gerald: "Dimwitz 3? was this weekend? aw man, I was waitin' to see that ever since The Distinguished Joker came out on DVD and Blu-Ray.”

Gerald: [Character impersonation] “Good grief, there are criminals on the roof!”

Arnold: "Uh, Gerald, you might wanna quit before you embarrass yourself."

Eugene: “The Distinguished Joker was 7 months ago.”

Phoebe: “Yes, Eugene, but now it’s…….”

Phoebe sits right down in her chair backwards.

Phoebe: “Look out, Jimmy!”

[All PS 118 4th Grade Students Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Gerald: “I’m guessin’ it’s kind of hilarious, right?”

Helga: “Yeah right, it’s just a 5 star laugh riot, that’s all.”

Harold: “Why, it’s fair my most precious achievement.”

Sid: “I can’t believe you missed it, Gerald, you’re always in belated on those things.”

Gerald: “Well, I was watching the plants all weekend and I guess I just forgot?”

Arnold: “It’s alright, Gerald, it happens to all of us every single once in a while.”

Stinky: “Yeah right on account of and for once, it never happened to me, alright!”

Stinky: “Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to rub it in.”

[4th Grade Classroom Bell Ringing]

Mr. Simmons enters his classroom.

Gerald: “Man, I never been this excited to see Mr. Simmons.”

Mr. Simmons: “Good morning, students, I hope everybody had a restful weekend, now, if we could begin our lesson……whoa, this book’s covered with glitter!”

[All PS 118 4th Grade Students Laughing Uncontrollably Once Again]

Gerald: "Dimtwitz 4? this is gonna be a very long day.”

Scene 2: The PS 118 School lunchroom[]

Phoebe: “Remember when the Dimtwitz joined the boat army and accidentally sank the elderly man’s boat?”

Arnold: “Dimtwitz!”

[All PS 118 Students Laughing Uncontrollably]

Sid: “Oh, dear Dimtwitz, your dunder-headed escapade brightened my days.”

Gerald: “You guys, I don’t wanna be a bad sport or anything, but can we speak about something else besides ‘Nitwitz 4’ today?”

Arnold: “Uh, alright, Gerald, sure thing, anybody?”

Harold: “Uh, my turkey and cheese sandwich is a bit flat.”

Rhonda: “I believe that’s gotta do with the relative humidity invented by lunch bags’ thermal property.”

Harold: “Yeah right.”

Gerald: “Well, you guys, I got to stay up and watch the end of ‘The Finishers’ this weekend and……….”

Ludwig: [Voice Off Screen] “You joker!”

Ludwig: “Can’t you just do anything right?!?”

Gerald: “What the heck? but I………”

Ludwig: “Maybe you didn’t hear me, I said ‘You joker, can’t you do anything right?’.”

Arnold: “Uh, we don’t know.”

[All PS 118 4th Grade Students Laughing Uncontrollably]

Gerald: “I’m gonna go play with a basketball or something.”

Harold: “No more tomato sauce? well, pardon my serving spoon.”

[All PS 118 4th Grade Students Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Scene 3: The PS 118 School playground[]

Gerald: “Aw man, if I had to listen to another line from that movie, I……..”

Iggy: “Look out, Jimmy!”

Gerald: “Good grief.”

Gerald walks around the entire school courtyard.

Lila: “Hey, Mr. Mayor, want a goodie?”

Gerald: “Aw man, I’m out of it, this must be how Curly feels about it.”

Curly: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, help me, Mama, I got termites in my pants!”

[All PS 118 Students Laughing Uncontrollably Once Again]

Gerald: “I gotta see that movie tonight.”

Scene 4: The Johansson's apartment[]

Mrs. Johansson: “Gerald, you can’t see that movie tonight.”

Gerald: “What the heck? but, Mom, Dad, it’s Gary Gibson’s latest film.”

Mr. Johansson: “Gary Gibson? all that guy does is run around into walls, I wouldn’t waste good money to watch a grown man acting like a joker.”

Gerald: “What if I go alone and waste my good money?”

Mrs. Johansson: “Gerald, that movie is rated NK12, no kid under 12 admitted without a grownup or an older sibling and that includes you.”

Mr. Johansson: “Good thing too, I remember the last time we let you see 1 of his movies, uh, what was it called, my darlin’ wife?”

Mrs. Johansson: “‘The Distinguished Joker’.”

Gerald: [Character impersonation] “Good grief, criminals on the roof!”

Mr. Johansson: “That does it, Gerald, the last thing your mother and I need is to have you drivin’ us crazy with lines from this new movie!”

Gerald: “But, Mom, Dad, all of the other kids have seen Dimwitz 3.”

Mr. Johansson: “If all of the other kids jumped off a hilltop, would you do that too?” Gerald: “If that’s all they’re gonna speak about afterwards, right?”

Mr. Johansson: “Well it doesn’t matter what everybody else is speaking about, Gerald, you can’t go tonight.”

Mrs. Johansson: “Gerald, dear, we’re only doing this ‘cause we like you and we don’t want your fragile young mind warped by other people who do anything for a lot of laughter.”

Gerald: [Sighs Depressingly] “I would tell that to all of my warped friends at school.”

Scene 5: Back on the PS 118 School playground[]

Peapod Kid: “Where’s the basketball?”

Iggy: “Where’s the basketball?”

Peapod Kid: “Where’s the basketball?”

Iggy: “Where’s the basketball?”

Torvald: “I don’t know.”

[All PS 118 Students Laughing Uncontrollably Once Again]

Gerald angrily walks away.

[Gerald Grumbles Angrily]

Eugene: “Wow, super awesome!”

Arnold: “It’s the latest and greatest thing I ever saw!”

Sid: “They’re all brand new!”

Stinky: “Willikers, those things are fascinatin’.”

Gerald: “Finally, something brand new.”

George: “Check out Jimmy, light crazy action, you see? he even walks around like a joker and check out those awesome gadgets.”

James: “Look out, Jimmy, 10:33.”

Gerald: “Aw man, I might as well spend my entire school day indoors.”

Gerald: “Wait 1 single minute, that’s it!”

Meanwhile back in the PS 118 School hallways…….

Gerald: “The smart and intelligent kids, those guys are my final hope.”

Lorenzo, Gary and Henry: [In Unison] “Good afternoon, Gerald.”

Gerald: “Good afternoon, you guys.”

Lorenzo: “Hi there, Gerald, what a rare and expected visit it is to have you around us today.”

Gary: “It’s good to see you again too.”

Henry: “I’m curious to know what brings 1 of such athletic and outdoor renown to our keep.”

Gerald: “Well, you guys, I kind of got a favor to ask.”

Lorenzo: “It would be our pleasure, Gerald, no doubt you seek the wisdom of the ancients, asset 4th in the latest ‘Monsters and Dragons’ manual.”

Henry: “Maybe you need some viral in a rare catch a Zoobi card to defeat your enemies in ‘Gokamon’.”

Gary: “Or challenge us in a game of checkers.”

Gerald: “Well, actually, you guys, I’m trying to get away from all of those kids out there, you see? they have all gone crazy over this Dimwitz 3 thing, so I was kind of hoping I could hang around down here ‘til it dies down a bit, would that be awesome with you guys?”

Lorenzo, Gary and Henry: [In Unison] “We don't know.”

[Lorenzo, Gary And Henry Laughing Uncontrollably In Unison]

Gerald: “No, no, not you guys too!”

Gerald: “Noooooooooooooooooo!”

Gary: “He’s a bit weird, right?”

Lorenzo: “Yeah right, Gary, he is a bit weird, isn’t he?”

Gerald: “That does it, I don’t care what my mom and dad say, I will see that movie tonight.”

Scene 6: Back at home in the Johansson's apartment[]

Gerald goes into his bedroom and dials the correct cell phone #.

Female voice on cell phone: “Hello and thanks for calling dialaville, you have selected show times for Dimwitz 3, rated NK12, the comedy film everybody’s speaking about, but 1st, coming this October……….”

Male voice on cell phone: “Panda bears, cuddly giants of the bamboo forest, but when the bamboo’s gone for a very long time, what will they eat next?”

[Panda Bears Growling Wildly]

Male voice on cell phone: “Panda-monium, it’s what’s black and white and red all over.”

Gerald: “Come on, come on, hurry up, man.”

The scene cuts to Mrs. Johansson reading a magazine while sitting in the blue armchair. Gerald goes over to the front door, but Mrs. Johansson stops him.

Mrs. Johansson: “And where do you think you’re goin'?”

Gerald: “I’m goin’ to the……..city library, Mom.”

Mrs. Johansson: “On a Saturday afternoon?”

Gerald: “I gotta read up on those panda bears, you see? they’re runnin’ outta bamboo and it might not be a good situation.”

Mrs. Johansson: “Oh, Gerald, studyin’ on a Saturday? aren’t you the best son ever?” Gerald: “Yeah right, Mom, that’s me.”

Scene 7: Outside the Movie Globe[]

Gerald: “Excuse me, [Speaks Like 12-Year-Old Boy] excuse me, [Clears Throat] excuse me.”

Gerald: [Speaking Like 12-Year-Old Boy] “1 ticket, please, for a kid way over 12.”

Ticket booth owner: “What was that? I can’t hear you, speak into the speaker, please.”

Gerald: “I uh, never mind.”

Principal Wartz: [Voice Off Screen] “Look out, Jimmy!”

Gerald: “Principal Wartz………..”

[Gerald Snaps His Fingers]

Principal Wartz: “1 grownup ticket to Dimwitz 3, oh, that Gary guy’s a comic genius, I tell you, no wonder he’s counting it to the starlets.”

Gerald: “I’ll see you inside, Principal Wartz.”

Gerald: “I’m with him, see? he’s my school principal from PS 118.”

Ticket booth owner: “Then he makes you pay?”

Gerald: “He’s not that much of my favorite school principal from PS 118.”

Ticket booth owner: “Oh well, I guess you can’t choose close family or close friendship.”

[Beeping Sounds]

Gerald grabs the movie theater ticket to Dimwitz 3 and enters the movie globe.

Voices On Movie Theater Screen: Who wants to see those Dimwitz 3? 4 men, an orangutan and a speaking rubber ducky, just don’t ask why 'cause they'll simply we don't know……..

James: [On Movie Theater Screen] “You there, is this your electronic piano?”

Leroy: [On Movie Theater Screen] “Don’t ask me, Mr. Fancy Pants, I’m with the orangutan!”

[Orangutan Screeching Wildly]

[All PS 118 Students Laughing Uncontrollably]

Gerald: (writing in his notebook) “Don’t ask me, Mr. Fancy Pants, I’m with the orangutan.”

Meanwhile back outside the movie theater globe………… [Crowd Protesting]

Gerald: “Yeah, alright, finally, I got every single word from that movie right here in my notebook.”

Gerald: “Hey, man, remember when I came in here with Principal Wartz?”

Ticket booth owner: “Yeah right, where is he?”

Gerald: “I don’t know.”

[Ticket Booth Owner Laughing Uncontrollably]

Gerald: “There’s no stoppin’ me right now.”

Gerald: “Hey, hey, look out, (he nervously sees Mr. and Mrs. Johansson standing by) Jimmy?”

Mr. Johansson: “Look out, Jimmy?!? why that’s just………”

Mrs. Johansson: “Gerald Martin Johansson, did you just walk outta that movie we simply forbade you from seein’?!?”

Gerald: [Nervously] “Uh, I don’t know?”

Scene 8: Back at home at the Johansson's apartment again[]

Mr. Johansson: “We’re very disappointed with you, Gerald, you disobeyed us and even worse, you fibbed in front of your mother.”

Mrs. Johansson: “Why, Gerald? why did you do that?”

Gerald: “Aw, Mom, Dad, everybody from school saw that movie, being the only dude who didn’t, it made me feel out of it like I wasn’t, you know, awesome.”

Mrs. Johansson: “Gerald, there are far more important things in life than being awesome, like your father and I being able to trust you.”

Mr. Johansson: “And to reinforce that notion, we’re groundin’ you for 3 days with no television.”

Gerald: “Uh, am I still allowed to go to school?”

Mrs. Johansson: “You gotta go to school, Gerald.”

Gerald walks around upstairs to his bedroom.

Gerald: “Tender, on Monday, Gerald Johansson is once again the most awesome dude in history.”

Scene 9: Back in the PS 118 School hallways again[]

[PS 118 School Bell Ringing Again]

Gerald: “Don’t ask me, Mr. Fancy Pants, I’m with the orangutan, feelin' very hot.”

Gerald enters Mr. Simmons' 5th grade classroom again.

Gerald: “Look out, Jimmy.”

Gerald: “Hey, Mr. Mayor, do you want a goodie?”

Gerald: “Help us, Mama, we all got termites in our pants!”

Gerald: “And just as for you, Commander Jacobson and the rest of your tomato loving creatures, quit asking me why I’m such a goofball ‘cause I don’t know.”

[Student # 1 Coughs Silently]

Arnold: “Those are great lines, Gerald, but Dimwitz 3 is kind of last weekend’s news.”

Gerald: “Last weekend?!?”

Helga: “Crimeny, didn’t you watch television last night, Gerald?”

Gerald: “Television? last night? but, Helga, I got busted, I’m not allowed to watch television.”

Phoebe: “Don’t tell me you missed the world premiere of Joker Patrol.”

Eugene: “It’s totally hilarious and touchy.”

Harold: “A breakthrough and single camel law enforcement comedy show.”

All PS 118 4th Grade Students: “Crazy Dumb Bell!”

[All PS 118 4th Grade Students Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Gerald: “Crazy Dumb Bell, that’s what they should call me from now on.”


Fade to a black screen………………

End Credits[]

Voice Cast Members[]

Tara Charendoff as Arnold Shortman (boy kid voice)

Jamil Walker Smith as Gerald Johansson (voice digitally mastered to a higher pitch by using sound audio)

Max Charles as Sid Patterson (voice)

Candi Milo as Stinky Peterson (boy kid voice with a country western accent)

Nika Futterman as Eugene Horrowitz (new and improved boy kid voice)

Craig Bartlett as Brainy (voice and breathing sound effect)

Dan Butler as Mr. Simmons (voice)

David Wohl as Principal Wartz (voice)

Toran Caudell as Wolfgang (voice)

Michael Bacall as Torvald (voice)

Debi Derryberry as Lorenzo (new and improved boy kid voice)

Katie Leigh as Gary (boy kid voice)

Ricky D’Shon Collins as Henry (boy kid voice)

Olivia Hack as Rhonda Lloyd (voice)

Francesca Smith as Helga Pataki and Sheena Jefferson (voices)

Justin Shenkarow as Harold Berman (voice)

Anndi MacAfee as Phoebe Heyerdahl (voice)

Rick Fitts as Mr. Johansson (voice)

Shari Belafonte as Mrs. Johansson (voice)

Charles Adler as Ticket Booth Owner (voice)

Philip G Van Dyke as Ludwig (voice)

Dedicated to the loving memories of Richard Mulligan (1932-2000), Michael Jeter (1952-2003), Vincent Schiavelli (1948-2005), Lou Rawls (1933-2006), Tony Jay (1933-2006), Henry Gibson (1935-2009), Zelda Rubinstein (1933-2010), Phyllis Diller (1917-2012), Davy Jones (1945-2012) and Steve Viksten (1960-2012). May they all rest in heavenly peace and have some happy holidays in the heaven skies.

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